Felling low

Well, that's just fine. It's not enough that Jon goes and gets a girlfriend and then forgets that I exist because he's doing everything with her, Simon goes and does so too then tries (in the nicest possbile way) to get me to bugger off out the house so they can have a night in (that was last night). Then there was the barbecue on Friday where, whilst it was nice enough, I was just kinda there, Jon, Simon, Joy, Adam and Debbie all buggered off upstairs (and it was Adam's birthday party) leaving me, Helen, Gemma and Claire downstairs. I felt a bit 'surplus to requirements' so I came home.

Then tonight, Rosie invites me round for takeaway as she's just got back to York. So there's me, Rosie, Grace, Liz and Jane in the living room. I'm sitting there, eating food, having fun when Grace starts talking about a trip to Scarborough they've planned with David and Stez tomorrow night and how it's not really possible because they've all got to revise for exams (except Stez). Grace goes on to suggest how Liz and Stez could go to the cinema and see Harry Potter. Liz doesn't want it to seem in any way datelike so asks aloud "Who else could we get to come?" Grace suggets Claire as they're trying to matchmake Stez and Claire at the moment. I couldn't sit there anymore, I had to leave the room. Four of my friends plan to do something and I don't even get asked????? Not only do I not get asked, from the sounds of it, and Rosie agrees here, I wasn't even considered. And then I wasn't considered whilst I was in the room!!!!!!!! Am I invisible?!?!??!?!?!?!? I'm easy to forget about it appears. Nobody ever thinks about me. I'm always the one doing the initial contact (apart from with Rosie and Kelly and Ian and Paul N.). If I don't make the initial effort, nobody bothers with me and that sucks and it's eating away at me. I mean, Grace and Liz see more of Stez then I do. I was lucky if before he'd come through twice a month, now he's through once or twice a week and I only ever find out about these things by accident (I happen to be round the girls house when my 'friends' turn up) or afterwards ("Oh, we went out with Dave and Stez, you should've come!" Well how can I if I'm never told??!?!?)

So Dave has managed to 'steal' my friends away from me and somehow Stez has managed to get in there too and now they've effectively shut me out to form their own little clique. That's fine, 2 of my friends who I've known since GCSE's (since I was 6 with Dave) join up with two of my Uni friends then shut me out is fine. Then my housemates do the same because they're too busy with their girlfriends well that's fine too. I don't need people anyway. Why do I stick with these guys when they do this to me??? They did it to me during A-Levels when they started hanging out with Goodman and the rest of them and I was in Cranswick and obviously not exciting enough so I was never invited. And now it's happening again. I'm cool for most of the time but as soon as some new people come along I'm abandoned.

The only person I can count on 100% in York right now is Rosie. She's great and all but she can't be with me 24hrs a day. I had a small group of close friends and now they've all gone.

Man I feel so low and lonely right now. Life sucks. I'm gonna go to bed.