March 17, 2005

Anti-climax and rant about teaching

I achieved very little yesterday. I read Private Eye and tried to finish the book I'm reading - Ian Rankin's Resurrection Men. I ate and watched some episodes of 'My Family' then went to work. I'm on course to do a similar thing today except:

- I've finished my Ian Rankin book (for the second time). Both times it was brilliant and because my brain is useless, I'd actually forgotten most of the plot.

- I need to go into town to buy The Road to Amarillo single for Kat as Harrogate don't stock it.

- I also need folders. I AM going to sort my teaching stuff.

On that last note I'm disappointed in myself that I didn't get all the stuff done that I wanted to before I started teaching, heck, I've hardly done any of it. But I've had a fun few months. I've been happy. Now I'm being made to feel guilty about being happy because I haven't spent the time preparing for teaching. Because I've been having fun and being relaxed. i've been told that I've not been living in the 'real world'.

Why aren't I? I've got a job, I work 35 hours a week (more if I can), I pay bills, I socialise when I can. Why am I 'not living in the real world'? Because I haven't got a career? I'm 22 - since when did you need to have a career at 22? I know I'm trained for teaching and I'd like to do that, I really do, but at the moment the competition for jobs is so intense and fierce that you have to go way, way out of your way to make yourself look like 'Super Teacher'. I don't know why but for some reason it all feels so fake to me.

There was an advert in the Evening Press last night about a supply company that desperately needed teachers. I considered it but the advert says 'Starting in April'. I'm not ready to start in April! None of my resources are organsied. I don't have a portfolio and I don't have my CV written yet. A detective would see this as "Ah, you probably don't want to start teaching yet do you?" And they'd probably be right. However because of the way the bloody job is organised I'm going to be shoved into doing something I don't yet want to do, and am not ready to do, because otherwise I won't EVER get a teaching job.

Why is that? Why is it so hard to become a teacher? I can understand the need for quality, for making sure that the teachers themselves are educated, dedicated and are going to have a positive influence on children's lives. But why shouldn't I be able to live my life in a relaxed fashion without this worry that I haven't jumped through the right 'hoops' to impress some headmaster at some point in the future?

This lifestyle I'm living now - relax during the day and work at night. I know it can't last. I will tire of it and get bored of it eventually. But why can't I live it for a little while longer? Then, when I finally do feel the need for change, apply to become a teacher? Because the system wouldn't approve of the fact that I'd lived and enjoyed my life instead of working away to become the 'perfect teacher'. I do appreciate that I am having an easy time of it at the moment (if you ignore the fact that working at Menzie's is hard work) but what's wrong with that? Surely it's a good thing? I've had the confidence and ability to find a lifestyle I'm happy with. What gives a headmaster the right to say "Well, you could've spent your free time helping in a school." Or "You should've done supply instead of the job at Menzies." So instead of doing the job I wanted to do and live the life I wanted to live I should've lived and worked in a way that would possibly please some future headmaster. That sucks so bad I can't even begin to describe.

I know I'm sounding like some kid having a paddy but my point still stands. Why is the world set-up in such a way that a nice bloke like myself WILL end up being punished by the jobs market purely because, for a little while, he lived a life he enjoyed? I can't be the only person who sees that as wrong can I?