June 01, 2005

House Hunting (2)

Okay, I've found this property in Acomb and it's available for viewing. So I'm off to nosey at it tomorrow. However, someone else is going to look at it first, so I hope they don't take it. Send good vibes my way eh please people?

Amy: It's alright, tough love is fine. It helps to keep my head on straight. I'm just wallowing at the moment as life has changed/is changing so much and whilst I don't mind change, I prefer small steps. A little while ago I was happy as larry, I had a gorgeous girlfriend, enough money to cover my expenses and allow me to indulge in my hobbies, I was active socially, I was doing good. Everything was bright. Now, I've reached a point where:

  • My job will ONLY JUST cover my rent/bills (inc council tax) as long as my rent isn't over £400 a month.

  • I've lost said girlfriend (and I tried adding her back to MSN but I just couldn't do it. I added her, read how happy she was in her MSN blog and deleted her, she doesn't need me making her life more complicated).

  • I've screwed up applying for teaching jobs for September. I'll keep trying but now I've got to move it limits my choice of jobs to schools I can commute to from York/surrounding area as that's where I want to live.

  • It looks like I'm going to have to work at Menzies AND get a part time job on weekends to make ends meet, until September when I can do full time supply. That sucks.

  • Mum's sold my childhood home (as long as she finds somewhere of course). This also sucks and makes life more complicated (I've got stuff there I need to move out and I have to move it out before she moves out but we don't know when that will be!)

  • Margaret and Dad are splitting up and my Dad is looking for somewhere to live, which knackers my backup plan for if I don't get a house. Also, my Dad is retired, very skint AND if he lives by himself I know he's jjust going to drink himself into an early grave. Not good

I honestly don't give up easily, I'm just feeling shit at the moment. Everywhere I look life is going well for other people but for me, at this moment in time, it's a struggle and I'm worrying about everything. I want it to stop. I want to have my bachelor pad and have a teaching job sorted out. I want my life back to being stable again. But I can't see that happening anytime soon and it's making me feel like a failure. The teaching job thing really knackered my confidence. I was sure I'd get one interview. But I didn't get one. Either my applications were that bad or people don't want to hire someone who's been out of education for a year. So my idea of taking a year out wasn't the good idea I thought it was.

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