Amy: It's alright, tough love is fine. It helps to keep my head on straight. I'm just wallowing at the moment as life has changed/is changing so much and whilst I don't mind change, I prefer small steps. A little while ago I was happy as larry, I had a gorgeous girlfriend, enough money to cover my expenses and allow me to indulge in my hobbies, I was active socially, I was doing good. Everything was bright. Now, I've reached a point where:
- My job will ONLY JUST cover my rent/bills (inc council tax) as long as my rent isn't over £400 a month.
- I've lost said girlfriend (and I tried adding her back to MSN but I just couldn't do it. I added her, read how happy she was in her MSN blog and deleted her, she doesn't need me making her life more complicated).
- I've screwed up applying for teaching jobs for September. I'll keep trying but now I've got to move it limits my choice of jobs to schools I can commute to from York/surrounding area as that's where I want to live.
- It looks like I'm going to have to work at Menzies AND get a part time job on weekends to make ends meet, until September when I can do full time supply. That sucks.
- Mum's sold my childhood home (as long as she finds somewhere of course). This also sucks and makes life more complicated (I've got stuff there I need to move out and I have to move it out before she moves out but we don't know when that will be!)
- Margaret and Dad are splitting up and my Dad is looking for somewhere to live, which knackers my backup plan for if I don't get a house. Also, my Dad is retired, very skint AND if he lives by himself I know he's jjust going to drink himself into an early grave. Not good
I honestly don't give up easily, I'm just feeling shit at the moment. Everywhere I look life is going well for other people but for me, at this moment in time, it's a struggle and I'm worrying about everything. I want it to stop. I want to have my bachelor pad and have a teaching job sorted out. I want my life back to being stable again. But I can't see that happening anytime soon and it's making me feel like a failure. The teaching job thing really knackered my confidence. I was sure I'd get one interview. But I didn't get one. Either my applications were that bad or people don't want to hire someone who's been out of education for a year. So my idea of taking a year out wasn't the good idea I thought it was.